through his words i felt i saw a glimpse of what freedom could be like. freedom in the sense of being an individual, learning about the world. he saved up for travels, went off alone to a continent across the seas and had brief encounters with people like himself.

out of curiosity, and perhaps loneliness, we tend to be eager to tie ourselves down to another person. inevitably, the freedom gets taken away. love, in all forms, often robs us of the space to be ourselves. but maybe i'm seeing things the wrong way. love and freedom - not necessarily one or the other.

it is odd that i hate and am too used to the lack of freedom at the same time, such that i unconsciously steal breathing space from myself and others and regret it afterwards. first, i must learn to understand the space around me - how much i need, in what form, and when i need them. only then will you learn how much to give others, because things are not only about you or them. it is about the interaction of needs between two people, and it is a bitch to understand such things.

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certain random incoherent thoughts: 

it always seems like i'm ambivalent and unclear of what i want - but how is it possible to choose between so many things that keep me interested all at the same time?

i asked someone a ridiculous question - why do we need to 'see the world' when we could be happy living in our little bubble of only things that interest us?

the past two sleepless nights have been comfortably great as well. more of comfort than intensity as of now, which i've come to accept lately.

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been ages since i've had the time to sit and write without having to replying to others. It is 6:30 am afterall.

i know i crave this space, to be alone in my 'sanctuary' (as a friend calls it), yet i do agree to meet others simply because some make me happy. only a few can make you alive, but you do not know who will, and who are the ones who will surprise you - so you take chances.

everything is about the balance.